I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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