Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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