Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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