I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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