hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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