He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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