I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
