have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
