Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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