i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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