I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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