remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
