yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize