I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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