I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
