why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
