I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
