I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
