I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize