so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Let's get the cat blown out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
