what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
