please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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