Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
