At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
