you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
