you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
