omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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