Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
