I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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