Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
pop tarts are not kleenex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
