Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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