I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
