i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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