Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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