i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize