something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
