Umm I'm too high to move.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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