I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Damn victory sex feels great
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