yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
