Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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