he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
