soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
