Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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