i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Panties = found
Randomize
