i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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