Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
