Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
