Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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