My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Randomize
