Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
