READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
