You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize