my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
handjob tips. give me some.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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