So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
