i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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