Got a toothbrush?
Sry I called you an 8
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
