batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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