I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize