Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
