I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize