I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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