You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That accounts for only three of the penises
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
