): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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