how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
