Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
