dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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