Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
