U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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