you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
