guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
