Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
