I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
